I Tried Everything on Dunkin’s ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Menu

Avengers: Assemble!(To be clear: By “Avengers,” I mean donuts. By “Assemble,” I mean congregate inside my mouth. And by “!” I mean “Some really questionable life choices brought me to this moment, but I am a middle-aged father two children and it’s too late to start over.”)With about six weeks to go before the big debut of Avengers: Doomsday, the rollout of what is sure to be a multiverse of tie-in products and foods is fully underway. Today, Dunkin’ Donuts launched an incursion of baked goods and caffeinated beverages upon our world with the debut of their Avengers: Doomsday themed foods and drinks.And now I will eat and drink all of it.This is my gift and my curse. Like the members of the X-Men, I was born with a remarkable mutant power. No, I can’t shoot lasers out of my eyes or speak telepathically or gain knowledge by touching my hand to a television set, rolling my eyes back in my head, and hissing “LLLLEEEEARNINGGG.”Instead, I have the superhuman ability to consume extreme amounts of fast food inspired by movies. For over a decade, whenever a chain restaurant releases a menu of food inspired by a movie —no matter how tangentially — I eat all of it and report back on my findi...