Review: ‘Badlands’ Turns Scary Trophy Hunter Into a Disney Mascot

3 weeks ago 10

Predator: Badlands proves that Disney will never stop trying to convert classic franchises into girl-brand content. Their latest Predator movie isn’t about fighting for survival in sweaty jungles or grappling with the raw terror of an extraterrestrial hunter. Instead, the latest entry focuses on Dek, a runt Predator who is bullied by his father, sent into exile, and forms an unusual relationship with a chatty female android named Thia and a cutesy, baby-Yoda-esque sidekick.

From the opening moments, Badlands sets out to humanize the titular species of extraterrestrial trophy hunters. Disney’s attempt to give imbue the alien killers with feelings and regrets comes across as a forced effort to copy the soft-hearted formula of their Star Wars sequels. This member of a once menacing alien race spends a good chunk of the runtime emoting and learning about what family means. Instead of terrifying jungle warfare, audiences are shown a buddy-comedy banter with silly action scenes of disembodied robot legs performing martial arts. It’s ridiculous.

This is nothing like the original.

Elle Fanning’s performance as Thia certainly gives the film its most animated moments, but she never shuts up. Dek’s journey is less about becoming a warrior and more about learning sensitivity, and becoming less threatening the more time he spends around women and cute creatures. By the end, Dek is back home, having toppled his father and formed a new clan with Thia and Bud, but not before nervously preparing for his mother’s arrival as the would-be matriarch. It’s a bit like The Acolyte meets Aliens, but worse.

If I’m forced to say anything positive about it, then I’d mention that most of the visual effects have some spark, and the action is staged with confidence, but almost everything else is borrowed from better films or less forgettable Saturday morning cartoons. Even with its PG-13 rating, which seems tailor-made for a younger crowd unfamiliar with the original classic, Badlands does away with anything that made the first Predator such a classic: fear, danger, battles of strength and wits. This film is oddly gentle and tepid, more interested in feel-good messaging than real stakes, a tone which has been gleefully gobbled up in the mainstream reviews which say “this isn’t your daddy’s “Predator,” or “[t]his Predator is queer and we should say it.”

Disney’s latest overhaul of the franchise makes it clear they still don’t understand why boys and men lined up to see Schwarzenegger and his team face monsters. They’ve replaced danger and masculinity with whimsical quips and snuggly aliens. What used to be a celebration of strength, honor, and violent grit is now a lesson in sensitivity, collaboration, and inclusivity. New viewers may be charmed by the bright colors and a cute alien pet named “Bud,” but franchise devotees who wanted the old thrill of the hunt will find nothing here but disappointment. Predator: Badlands is another prime example of Disney taking something tough, savage, and cool, and smothering it with formulaic softness that misses the point entirely.

I never thought I’d long for the era when Predators hunted kids with autism to make their genes stronger. I’ve tried to erase it from memory. I wish I was joking.