Welcome, Jazz Pickle. Thank you for focusing your laser-like consciousness at this point in time and space. It’s only fair to remind you that this decision will change the trajectory of your life, as everything you do does.
In some other dimension you’re not consciously aware of, another version of you may have decided to look at videos of NASCAR crashes or an old episode of Hee Haw, and that took your life in a different direction. That version of you may have gone on to believe absurd conspiracies written by agents of an enemy government, and convinced you to vote for a pack of costumed hyenas with an insatiable appetite for everything in your wallet, purse, and bank account.
But in this dimension, you are here, now. I’ll do my best to ensure that this version of you made the better decision.
NOW TO CARTOONS: Remember PEZ candies? They are little tablets of pure sugar, and they come in fun dispensers, many of which became collectible. PEZ is among the armada of products that are responsible for most of us now bouncing on a diving board above the pool of diabetes, or having already cannonballed into the depths.
In my youth (everything before ten years ago), I loved those kooky dispensers, and I loved sugar. I still do.
But now that I’m trying to avoid a daily insulin habit by fighting that sugar monkey on back with every fiber of my being, I’m wondering why some clever capitalist hasn’t invented fun, comic-character syringes to help attract children to heroin. In another dimension, someone probably has. (Maybe RFK Jr. is from that dimension. It would explain a lot.)
English (US) · 