In a stunning reversal, Paramount has revealed a new 10-year exclusive deal with beleaguered showrunner Alex Kurtzman. The new deal comes on the heels of Paramount recently announcing the cancellation of the low-rated and critically maligned series, Star Trek: Starfleet Academy. The new deal will see the show runner at the helm of the long-running franchise until 2036.
With the anticipated merger of Paramount and Warner Bros., we asked the incoming new Chief Creative Officer, Nick Kahnman, why Kurtzman was brought back to lead the franchise for its 60th year.
BREAKING:
“Alex Kurtzman is a nice guy and a visionary,” Nick stated. “Sure, oftentimes that vision is someone else’s and repackaged as his own, but that doesn’t make it less unique. Many creative geniuses need the work of previous creative geniuses to spur that creative genius locked inside them.”
Nick went on to further say, “We were disappointed with the ratings for Starfleet Academy, but we feel that the outgoing administration did not market the show to our standards. Plus, you have to admire Alex’s determination. I mean, to allegedly use bot views and boost positive critical reviews just to be guaranteed a third season? That’s genius in my book. As they say, if you’re not cheating you’re not trying, ammirite?”
Nick Kahnman is referring to the alleged scoop by alleged far-right instigator website Fandom Pulsar that allegedly showed a sizable number of favorable views for Starfleet Academy during a two-week period when the show faced cancellation. Allegedly.
Alex Kurtzman issued a press release to mark the tremendous turn of fortunes:
Take that chuds! Despite the hate mob that had the audacity to review each episode individually instead of viewing our project as a whole like it was filmed, Paramount has recognized the depths of our vision.
We gave the new execs a ten-point plan to cover the breadth of the extension, and you haven’t seen anything yet! Our ultimate goal is to film the first ever transgender alien love scene in television history! We already had the broad strokes of this storyline written for our sadly aborted third season of Starfleet Academy which revolved around that relationship storyline. C’mon, we didn’t hire Tig Notaro for her acting ability! Now we can thankfully salvage it for our viewers that demand that kind of storytelling.
Jeri Ryan has signed on to play the transgender male alien to make amends for her sexualized and misogynistic, male-gaze take as 7 of 9 in Star Trek: Voyager, so we’re very excited to set phasers to STUNNING & BRAVE.
See you in the stars, TRUE fans!
We reached out to Jeri Ryan to confirm her involvement in the latest Kurtzman-Trek franchise but have yet to receive a response. We asked Alex Kurtzman what this first series under the new deal will be called. Expect to see Star Trek: Bollocks in 2028. We felt the date of this announcement was notable.
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English (US) · 